At last, at least, the weather’s great

Canterbury bells in the sunlight
Canterbury bells catching sunlight on the dark side of the yard

As in fantastic. And it’s a counterpoint to my mood.

Which has been dark most of the day.

Warning: Whine alert. Feel free to skip to the bottom for the good stuff.

I’m in one of those at-sea places where I don’t know what I’m doing or what I’m supposed to be doing and suspect I’m doing all of it wrong.

Ever feel like that?

I thought my mid-life crisis started when I was 39. Hah! That was all warm-up. Now we’re into the thick of it.

And then I have to admit that my worries and insecurities and anxieties are what my daughter’s friend would call “rich white girl problems.”

After all,  I have three wonderful kids and we’re all still speaking to each other. I have a loving husband. I have a job that, even if it puts me through the wringer sometimes, pays me. (Paid for wringing reminds me of my days working at the laundromat.) I have a house that surely needs some attention, but it’s a house and I have loved living in it. I have money for groceries. Check, check, check, check, and check.

So why the whining?

I hate feeling like a failure. I hate feeling like I’m failing myself and my family. I hate feeling on the outside, and I hate feeling too normal to be good at anything and not normal enough to fit in.

That’s a lot of vehemence for such a beautiful day. A warm day!

An Independence day spent independently–alone with time to pull great loads of weeds and try to write a poem. And write this (classically self-absorbed and whining) blog post.

And the alone time has reminded me how much I value friends and readers in real life and even on Facebook. I’m kind of a hermit, and it isn’t always so good for me. But I remember you’re out there–and I appreciate you. Thank you.

How do you shake dark days?